Letters to you (1)

Someday, I'll convince myself that you're not here. You're not the guy who's drunk more often than not, who has more potential than anyone else I know, and who can't commit to me for more than one night at a time. You're not the guy who refuses to make the first move and then gets pissed off at me when I don't do it either. You're not the guy who tells me he'll always be there and then lets me down the first time I need him.

You're the one who won't make me cry. You won't ever promise me something and then change your mind, and you won't make me feel like I'm the least important thing in your life.

You'll be the one I can count on. You'll be the one I can turn to, the one who will stand by me through everything. You won't let me settle for less than I deserve, than I can accomplish. And I'll do the same for you in return. You won't ever have to wonder whether or not I'll be there.

Do I have the patience to wait 2 more years? Some days, I'm not sure. As I think of all the bullshit guys have put me through, though, I know that the wait will be worth it. Now I just have to quit expecting to find you everywhere I go. I'm always looking for you, and that makes it harder to find you. I'm looking in all the wrong places.

Tonight, I just want to talk to you. I need someone to listen to me bitch about work and how I hate everyone. You'll be the only one who understands why I hate them all so much. You don't have to say anything, though. Just listen.

I don't know what else to say right now. You already know that I'm waiting for you, and I'll keep waiting for you. Sometimes I wonder if you'll still be there by the time I get there, or if you'll be too jaded to give me all the things I need. But somehow optimism prevails, and I know all this will be worth it in the end.

It has to be.