The NC Diaries. 10-8-09

I have two years and eleven days to get there.

It seems so far away.

But maybe, just maybe, I can get there sooner.

Knowing that I'll get to NC one way or another keeps me sane. When I want to hit people at work, when I sit at home because I'd rather be alone than with most of the people around here, I think of NC. I think about how amazing it will be to load all my stuff into a U-Haul trailer and drive there, stopping at motels along the way. I'll find a cute little place to live and unpack all my things, recreating home once again. Only this time, it will be different. There won't be anyone there to comfort me, to form an opinion of me based solely upon what they've "heard." I'll be starting anew, and I can rewrite my life story. If I want to, that is.

I can't wait.

I need $5000 in my savings account before I can leave. The car needs to be in perfect health, and I'll probably need a GPS. I'll have a cooler full of food to save some money, and a carton of smokes to get me through the long drive. I'll have an iPod by then to keep myself entertained on the road, and I'll listen to all those runaway songs I love as I'm heading out of town. I don't know yet if I'm going to have a goodbye party-- I probably won't. I'll get phone numbers and e-mail addresses, but that's all. Sure, I'll miss my family. But this is what I need to do, and I'm going to do it. One way or another.

"What's in North Carolina?"

"I'll find out when I get there."

Is this crazy? Without a doubt, yes. Leaving alone, starting over in a new place where I don't know anyone, most likely leaving before I have a job there. That's what the savings will be for-- so I can get a place to live and survive for a few months if I don't find a job right away.

I don't even know which town I'll end up in. And that's all part of the allure.

I plan on taking a trip to NC next year, probably late in the summer or early fall. I just want to go there and explore, and make a few connections if possible. It would be nice to have people I can call when I get there to help me unload my stuff. Even to help me find a job before I go. But even if I don't make those connections, I'll go. I need to get out of Illinois, and I need to start over. Too many things have gone wrong along the way, and staying here won't fix them.

I'll be 25 in 11 days. In 2 years and 11 days, I'll be a resident in NC.