Dear Taylor Swift:

Stop it. Just stop. Seriously, for the sanity of every person who has ever turned on a radio, just fucking quit now.

I hate you. I mean, really hate you. A lot. This goes beyond the average run-of-the-mill hatred one has for a celebrity. With you, it's like I know exactly how you would be in person, and I can see myself stabbing you in the face with an ice pick. That's how much I hate you.

The first time I saw you, I wondered aloud why there was a picture of a porn star on a t-shirt in the middle of Walmart. Go ahead, put in your favorite porn. Is there an anorexic, overly made-up, completely whorish blonde in it? Does she remind you of... you? Exactly. Stop molesting unsuspecting music lovers with your incessant crap and start having sex on camera for money. Need a little practice, you say? Just shove that microphone down your throat. If you happen to get electrocuted in the process, so be it. You'll save yourself the trouble of becoming a 40-something nobody who's still trying to act like she's a teenager.

And also? You're a homewrecking slut. Yeah, I said it. Try to fucking deny it. All of your songs are about how some guy should be with you rather than the girl he's with. Have you ever stopped to think that there's a reason these guys don't want to be with you? Maybe it's because they don't want to take a porn star home to their mothers. Really, though? Go find your own man. Stop trying to break up everyone's relationships just because you're apparently so much more compatible with these guys than their current girlfriends. If you stay on this path, you'll end up being that crazy whore in a hotel bar who "accidentally" drops her room key in front of some unsuspecting businessman. Honestly, each new (I use that term loosely because all your songs are exactly the same) song you come up with makes you sound more and more pathetic. Stop fucking begging for affection. If you were as great as you think you are, you'd either have a man or you'd realize that you don't fucking need one.

I have no idea how you won an entertainer of the year award. I'm guessing it involved a lot of cocksucking. Just saying. I'm at a loss to understand how parents can let their little girls idolize you. Even moreso, I don't get how these parents can put your CDs in and be tortured by the monotone whining that you refer to as your singing voice. You are the epitome of everything girls shouldn't grow up to be. Eventually you'll get old and ugly, and then you won't have anything left to hide the fact that you have no talent at all.

So please, if you have any respect for the world at all, go kill yourself. You could even change your name to something sluttier and start doing porn, although I wouldn't watch anything you were in. I'd rather see you with a dick in your mouth instead of listening to you sing, though. The world has had enough of you and your crappy pseudo-country music. Quit now while you're ahead.


Sincerely,

Toni